What have I observed over the last 5 months? It was not difficult for me to remove myself from facebook BUT I didn't in some magical way suddenly find myself with all the time in the world I was looking for, to do the things I wanted to! Some part of me, when deleting the account hoped that now I would instantly be catapulted into a highly creative state, motivated and active in all ways! Certainly this was not a result of the action of not using facebook anymore for me. Over these last months I have been in incubation in a sense and definitely at first, my energy was focused only on myself and Noah and the day to day life of having a toddler by my side. There was no pressure from myself, on myself to be or do anything other than a mother to Noah and to also find space to keep my own energy strong. From this place my intuition has been guiding me more and more towards the places I want to go next in my life, things have been getting really clear recently and I feel an exciting new chapter emerging.
Diet and Nutrition have always been a big part of my life. Initially the association was oppressive, I had an addiction and it was all consuming. I thought about food all the time, wrote down every little mouthful I ate in the hope it would somehow make me thinner or less obsessed with controlling what I was eating and for 10 years or so I also used bulimia as a way of escaping the fear I had of food... I used it as my way to take back control. I don't for one second think that my eating patterns were down to only wanting to have my body looking a certain way, there were deeper reasons for sure and a lot to do with self worth and feeling I could never be 'enough' as I was. Gradually, after coming to a point where I thought I would die from this illness, I broke the habit and over the time from then until now I have been steadilly transforming this pain into power. Everyday I feel more mindful about the food I eat and often there is a smiling glance back over my shoulder to the place I was before... a prisoner to food... Now I don't always finish my plate feeling unsatisfied, thinking about what I will eat next AND I can have sweet things in the house and not twitch around thinking about them constantly until I lose the will and run to the fridge to devour the lot without a breath! I eat what I want when I want now with absolutely no tension in my body. I eat things that make me feel happy and it just so happens that over time the things I love have become healthier and healthier. This is a reflection of the journey I am also on within myself. The more I value and appreciate the person I am, the more I love and accept myself exactly the way I am now, the more I naturally nurture my body with the foods and thoughts that it needs and thrives on. I can appreciate that this has been a long process for me and in that I have realized there really are no shortcuts with this type of thing... or anything in life as a matter of fact!
Over January whilst I was in the UK my awareness was overloaded with images and messages of dieting and losing weight. It was everywhere! Billboards, Supermarkets, Newspapers, Magazines... and on everyones lips too. It felt like in all the places I was, there were women (mainly) discussing their disappointment with themselves for having not yet lost the weight they wanted to by this moment in time. It was crossing all age ranges, I had a conversation with a lady aged 67 who was very pleased with herself for having lost a bit of her 'tum' by not eating cake and cheese for a few weeks and then we were joined by her very envious friend of around the same age who just couldn't manage to stop with the bread, chocolate and wine. I overheard a woman in a burka on the phone to a friend describing detailed ways of reducing calorie intake to 1200 per day and a group of women in Carluccios devouring huge bowls of pasta talking about how impossible it was to follow the diet. Just a snapshot here, but many many more instances have surrounded me since the new year of people having big problems with losing weight. This is where I focus some attention now with the work I do! I will be sharing methods and practices from my own experience here, things which have greatly helped me on my journey so far... I know they can help others too. If you or anyone you know is having problems with their weight or health, specifically related to food choices and habits, please keep up with this blog and direct others here. It is my intention to support others in redirecting this energy the way that I have done myself to a life of greater freedom and joy in ALL things!
